The other day when it was terrible cold (like it was all over the country) we were bringing Mom home from some outing. Mom is pretty independent so I don't remember why we were taking here anywhere, but we were coming home. The driveway was icy (maybe that is why we had her) so I told her I would help her back to the house. So we stepped out of the car and started up the sidewalk to the front steps. Right then I realized that I had not thought about taking Dad up that sidewalk for quite some time. He is always on my mind, but some specifics only pop in now and then. Well we were walking up that sidewalk and Mom was being pretty careful, but it reminded me of those walks up the sidewalk with Dad. Her steps were careful, but Dad's were small. His knees hurt so bad each step was very careful. I would say about 6 to 8 inches was his gait. I remember last year about this time seeing the itty bitty steps in the snow from his car to the front door. It was a trail of footprints only a few inches apart.
Thinking of our walks to the house reminded me of quite a few memories with Dad. This last week has been so hard. There seems to be many stresses around me and I want to go run them by my Dad. Even if we would not talk about some things, just to be with him would help. It has been 10 months now but it seems a new wave of sorrow and missing him has come.
I have thought many times this last week about finding him that afternoon. I question things that happened. I question if I did everything I should have. In my mind I am sure that I did, but it has been a week of questions.
After walking up that walk with Mom the other day I thought to myself. You thought you would take Dad up this sidewalk many more times, didn't you? I had never thought about it until this week, but I did not get to take him home. Guess he got there o.k. without me.
5 comments:
Love, love, love you, Keesee. So very sorry. Thank you for sharing this. He's home, just not at 1051 Prospect. Miss him.
Bobert....there was no warning on this one. I should have known better than to read it just before the kids came in. He is home and he did a lot to make sure all of us would get there some day, too. Thanks for sharing, Daddyo. I miss him, too.
Bob, I heard a song the other day that said something about "now I'm standing tall" and I couldn't help but think that Dad is now standing straight and tall and can walk without pain. I miss him too. Wish I could tell him my daily joys and troubles in person but I just have to settle for thoughts only. Thanks for being there for him just like he was there for you.
Well said Bob. Home, where he belongs. What a blessing to know he is there!
Thanks, Bob, for writing. I am glad that you take the time to share from your heart. I miss dad so very much. I wish that I had those walks to remember. Love Amy
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